What Causes Anger?

Anger is a strong emotion of displeasure caused by some type of grievance that is either real or perceived to be real by a person. The cognitive behavior theory attributes anger to several factors such as past experiences, behavior learned from others, genetic predispositions, and a lack of problem-solving ability. To put it more simply, anger is caused by a combination of two factors: an irrational perception of reality ("It has to be done my way") and a low frustration point ("It's my way or no way"). Anger is an internal reaction that is perceived to have a external cause. Angry people almost always blame their reactions on some person or some event, but rarely do they realize that the reason they are angry is because of their irrational perception of the world. Angry people have a certain perception and expectation of the world that they live in and when that reality does not meet their expectation of it, then they become angry.

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It is important to understand that not all anger is unhealthy. Anger is one of our most primitive defense mechanisms that protects and motivates us from being dominated or manipulated by others. It gives us the added strength, courage, and motivation needed to combat injustice done against us or to others that we love. However, if anger is left uncontrolled and free to take over the mind and body at any time, then anger becomes destructive.

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Why We Need to Control Anger

Just like a person who is under the control of a street drug---a person under the influence of anger cannot rationalize, comprehend, or make good decisions because anger distorts logical reasoning into blind emotion. You become unable to think clearly and your emotions take control of your actions. Physiologically speaking, anger enacts the fight or flight response in our brain, which increases our blood pressure and releases adrenaline into our bloodstream, thereby increasing our strength and pain threshold. Anger makes us think of only two things: (1) Defend, or (2) Attack. Neither of these options facilitates a good negotiation.

Internal Sources of Anger

Our internal sources of anger come from our irrational perceptions of reality. Psychologists have identified four types of thinking that contribute to anger.

1. Emotional reasoning. People who reason emotionally misinterpret normal events and things that other people say as being directly threatening to their needs and goals. People who use emotional reasoning tend to become irritated at something innocent that other people tell them because they perceive it as an attack on themselves. Emotional reasoning can lead to dysfunctional anger in the long run.

2. Low frustration tolerance. All of us at some point have experienced a time where our tolerance for frustration was low. Often stress-related anxiety lowers our tolerance for frustration and we begin to perceive normal things as threats to our well-being or threats to our ego.

3. Unreasonable expectations. When people make demands, they see things as how they should be and not as they really are. This lowers their frustration tolerance because people who have unreasonable expectations expect others to act a certain way, or for uncontrollable events to behave in a predictable manner. When these things do not go their way, then anger, frustration, and eventually depression set in.

4. People-rating. People-rating is an anger-causing type of thinking where the person applies a derogatory label on someone else. By rating someone as a "bitch" or a "bastard," it dehumanizes them and makes it easier for them to become angry at the person.

External Sources Of Anger

There are a hundreds of internal and external events that can make us angry, but given the parameters of a negotiating situation, we can narrow these factors down to four general events.

1. The person makes personal attacks against us. The other side attacks you along with the problem in the form of verbal abuse.

2. The person attacks our ideas. The other side chops down our ideas, opinions, and options.

3. The person threatens our needs. The person threatens to take away a basic need of ours if they do not get their way i.e. "I'll make sure you'll never work in this city again."

4. We get frustrated. Our tolerance level for getting things done might be low or affected by any number of environmental factors in our lives.

Factors That Lower Our Frustration Tolerance

1. Stress / Anxiety. When our stress-level increases, our tolerance for frustration decreases. This is why there are so many domestic disputes and divorces over financial problems.

2. Pain. Physical and emotional pain lowers our frustration tolerance. This is because we are so focused on taking care of our survival needs, that we do not have time for anything or anyone else.

3. Drugs / Alcohol. Drugs and alcohol affect how our brain processes information and can make a person more irritable or bring forward repressed emotions or memories that can trigger anger.

4. Recent irritations. Recent irritations can also be called "having a bad day." It's the little irritations that add up during the course of the day that lower our tolerance for frustration. Recent irritations can be: stepping in a puddle, spilling coffee on your shirt, being late for work, being stuck in a traffic jam, having a flat tire.

Recognizing the Physiological Signs of Anger

By recognizing the physiological signs of anger, we can attune ourselves to know when it is time to take measures to make sure that our level of anger does not get out of control. Here are some symptoms of anger:

1. Unconscious tensing of muscles, especially in the face and neck.

2. Teeth grinding

3. Breathing rate increases dramatically

4. Face turns red and veins start to become visible due to an increase in blood pressure

5. Face turns pale

6. Sweating

7. Feeling hot or cold

8. Shaking in the hands

9. Goosebumps

10. Heart rate increases

11. Adrenaline is released into your system creating a surge of power.

Am I Right to be Angry?

Damn right you are. You have your own perception and expectation of the world that you live in and when the reality that you live in fails to meet your expectations, then yes you have the right to be angry. Afterall, if everyone thought alike, then the world would be a pretty dull place to live. You are going to run into situations that you don't enjoy. You are going to run into people who don't respect your views and ideas. The feeling of anger is totally justified according to your beliefs and so don't repress or deny those feelings.

Having to right to feel angry does not mean that you have the right to lash out in anger by attacking the other person. You can't change the views of other people to conform to your own because, like you, they have their own right to uphold their view of the world. The best thing you can do is recognize your anger and focus it on the problem instead of your counterpart.

Key Points

Being angry or frustrated is just like being under the influence of a drug. It prevents you from rationalizing and thinking logically.

Anger is caused by a combination of an irrational perception of reality and a low frustration point.

Anger is a natural response and you have every right to be angry, but you must learn to keep that anger in check during a negotiation because once you react in any negotiation, then you lose the agreement.

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How to Keep Fit and Healthy at All Times

If you want to keep fit and healthy at all times, then you have to make some active effort. Keeping fit doesn't only mean looking good from the outside. It means being physically active, mentally sound, and feeling energetic and ready to face the tasks of everyday life.

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In order to keep fit and healthy, you don't have to run for hours, or spend several hours at a gym, or playing football or tennis, or riding a bike. You can start by doing simple exercises. People have all sorts of excuses for not exercising. Most everyone has family, children, and busy work schedules to take care of. However, if you want to stay healthy and live longer, then you have to make some little changes towards a healthy lifestyle.

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To keep fit and healthy, follow a healthy and balanced diet everyday. Make sure that your everyday diet includes lots of fruits, vegetables, and protein. You should cut down on red meat, junk foods, caffeine, and sugar intake. Avoid soft drinks or canned fruit juices. Instead, opt for a variety of fresh fruits, vegetable salads, freshly made fruit juices, milk, nutritious energy drinks, etc.

You need to be more active in order to keep fit and healthy. Modern life has become very sedentary, with fewer scopes for physical activities. You need to exercise in order to burn those calories. Minimum physical activity slows down your metabolism rate. So, you can put on weight even when you eat less. On the other hand, exercise and a more active life will burn up the calories, even when you eat a little more. You can simply go for a brisk walk, or jog, or you can join a gym. The important thing is that you must include some physical exercise in your everyday life, because fitness and health cannot be achieved without some physical exercise.

For a healthy life sufficient sleep is important. Lack of sleep can make you feel tired the next day. So work hard, but make sure that you have enough sleep; so that your body gets the time to replenish itself.

Do not skip your breakfast, no matter how busy you are. Breakfast is the first and most important meal of the day. It works as a fuel for your body and keeps you going for the rest of day. If you skip breakfast, you will feel hungrier in the latter part of the day, and you may end up eating more! So, you may run a risk of gaining weight, if you skip your breakfast frequently.

If you are not a healthy eater and find it difficult to improve your food habits due to busy, erratic, work schedules, then you may be depriving your body of the essential nutrients that are important for good health. In the long run, unhealthy food habits can lead you to serious health hazards. An easy solution to this problem is to include multi-vitamin supplements in your daily food intake. Multi-vitamins can be taken to replenish the nutritional deficiencies in your daily diet.

Following these simple but effective rules will enable you to keep fit and healthy at all times.

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How to Perform a Wedding Flawlessly, Even If it is Your First Time - Part 1

I can remember how frightened I was when I performed my very first wedding.  I was still in seminary and in my 20's and it was a small wedding in a home, but it seemed a daunting task.  The thoughts raced through my mind constantly as I prepared such as "What will I say?"  "What will I do?"  "What is the right order for everything?"  "What happens if I mess up?"  "Where can I find a wedding ceremony?"  "If I mess up their wedding will they still be my friends afterwards?" 

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That was 25 years ago, and I have performed weddings over 400 times since then and have "messed up" many times (in small ways), but I have never had anyone leave mad and have never been featured on "America's Funniest Videos."  Keep in mind that what is a large mistake in your mind, is often completely unnoticed by the crowd or even the couple since it was probably only an intention in your mind that you did not follow through on or a small word mix up, etc. 

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Let me give you the quick and easy way to perform a wedding flawlessly (OK semi-flawless).  It will at least increase your odds of doing a good job by a ton, even if it is your first time.  I am assuming that you have been asked to do this by friends or family or church members who have confidence in you and that you are legally certified to do it.  You probably have some public speaking experience already or you would not have been asked to perform the ceremony so I am not going to cover Public Speaking 101.  I am going to focus on the "mechanics" of performing the wedding ceremony.  This is something that I have rarely if ever seen anyone discuss.  I sure don't remember reading anything about it, but I wish I had 25 years ago.

1.  Find a good basic wedding ceremony.  You can find this in many places.  Look through ministers manuals.  Find something you can use as a template.  You may be able to find some wedding ceremony templates by doing a search online.

2.  Sit down with the couple ahead of time and find out what they want included in their wedding.  I am finding that many couples are wanting "simple."  Write down their names correctly and ask them how to pronounce their names.  Write them down in such a way that you can see how to pronounce them.  Take notes in your meeting and get all the details.

3.  Find a good order of service.  Look at wedding programs.  They vary, but many have the same basic elements of the wedding ceremony and show who does what.  The basic elements are seating of the families / mothers, groom and groomsmen enter (there are variations), bridal party enters, bride enters, presentation of the bride, bride and groom at the front, message by minister, wedding vows, ring vows, unity candle (optional), pronouncement of marriage and kiss, blessing and prayer, presentation of couple, recessional, announcement about reception.

4.  Sit down with your wedding ceremony and order of service side by side to see the transitions for yourself.  Make yourself some note in the margins of your ceremony.

5.  Meet and discuss details ahead of time with the wedding planner or wedding coordinator if they have one.  Ask them their preferences.  They will be extremely helpful.  Find out how weddings are usually performed in that venue or wedding location.

6.  Sketch out a walk though of the entire ceremony on paper using bullet points.  If you are fortunate enough to have a skilled wedding coordinator, then you will only have to be responsible for the ceremony portion of the wedding.  The ceremony itself should only take about 12-15 minutes.

For more great information on how to perform weddings flawlessly even if if it your first time see part 2 of this article.  Part two of this article deals with some of the actual mechanics of organizing the ceremony and the tricks of leading it in front of a crowd.  By following the steps in this article you can be performing weddings like a pro in no time.

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Losing Your Virginity - A Girl's Guide To The First Time

If you are reading this, and fit the situation, then the subject is already a consideration on your mind.

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You may have read something on the subject, spoken to a girlfriend who has passed through the experience recently, and heard about it in school. We hope to help you here, with a short guide. It is for you.

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First of all, you must feel it is the correct thing to do. You must NOT be pressured into it, or the experience will fail to bring you the pleasure and good memories you expect and deserve. You are in charge of your life and body. You must really feel ready for it.

If you have been masturbating, you probably had clitoral orgasm, so you know what is possible in terms of feelings. You must also, know your own anatomy.

You know you have some outer lips that cover the vulva, and some inner lips which are very flexible. If your hymen is intact, you are also going to tear that, with the accompanying sensations and bleeding. Find out.

In the second consideration, do not have sex if you have over-drunk alcohol. You can become drunk and lose a great deal of your judgment after even one drink.

The third consideration is INSISTING on the use of a condom with your partner. The reasons for this are well known, and certainly there is no excuse for not using it. You must be protected. This is a health concern, a very good way to prevent conception, and generally a good idea as it will help to slow down your partner by desensitizing him a bit.

So to begin.

You cannot have too much foreplay. This should take the form of mutual kissing, erotic massaging, exploring each other's bodies, seeing where each of you are sensitive and have erogenous spots. Don't rush. It will be over soon enough as it is.

All the while as you have foreplay, your womb will be producing the all important moisture that is required. Believe us, the wetter the better. You cannot be too wet for the first time. If you are a bit adventurous, ask you partner to give you cunnilingus, and if you can, give to your partner some fellatio. These are wonderful signs of showing affection.

Getting into it.

Make sure after your foreplay (and perhaps fellatio) put on the condom if you haven't already. The partner may make the first move to go directly into the standard missionary position. Bad idea. It is the worst position to lose your virginity. You are not in control, and it will be more painful and you cannot do anything but lay there and take it.
Instead, try the girl on top position. Here you are in control. Your vagina has never had anything in it before (like a penis) and it must accommodate it slowly...and it will.

If you are losing you hymen, you are the one determining the speed and pressure with which it occurs. You will not suffer, and if you are still not wet enough, you can apply some water-based vaginal lubricant (such as K-Y). The deed is soon done, and you can get down to thrusting.

At first, have your partner move without thrusting, just applying pressure while fully inserted in your vagina. As it begins to feel natural, you can your self start thrusting.

At this point you can change positions (assuming your partner has lasted) and go onto your back. However, do not settle for the simple missionary position, but tilt your pelvis slightly up, and ask your partner to suspend himself on his arms and not lay on you...this when thrusting will stimulate both your clitoris and G-spot.

There are a lot of variables here, but lose you virginity as we suggest, and you will have in your mind pleasant memories instead of feeling unfilled, or used.

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101 Romantic Gestures

These romantic gestures are quick and easy ways to show your love. Often times the most romantic gestures are the small acts we choose to do every day. This extensive list of 101 romantic gestures will help you be more creative in how you show your love.

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1. Massage her feet

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2. Clean her car

3. Stick a post-it love note in the kitchen

4. Snuggle

5. Make a romantic mix CD

6. Dance under the stars (with your mix CD playing from the car)

7. Hide love notes in her house and car (make sure she'll find them fairly soon)

8. Have an undisturbed conversation (turn off phones, tv, computer etc.)

9. Light every candle you have to set a seductive, intimate mood

10. Pick up a pie or cake for dessert

11. Do the laundry

12. Write a message on the mirror with a bar of soap

13. Make a calender with photos of both of you together

14. Unwind with a glass of wine

15. Pick her up and carry her to the bed or couch

16. Complete her Honey-Do list

17. Download a new ring to her cell phone for your calls

18. Share things about your day (work, family, clients, events)

19. Restock the cabinets with her favorite food or drink (don't forget to leave a note with it)

20. Hold hands

21. Change her oil

22. Give a sincere compliment

23. Go on a walk together

24. Run your fingers through her hair and give her a head rub

25. Go for a joy ride on a scenic road

26. Fold cloths during a game or on your tv show commercials

27. Change her computer screen saver to a love message

28. Cook a meal together

29. Do a slow dance after dinner

30. Kiss when you leave

31. Help her with a project

32. Thank her for a meal she cooked

33. Go grocery shopping together

34. Have a sunrise coffee date (even if it's just from your deck or window)

35. Hold each other during a big storm

36. Put the toilet seat down (let her know you did it for her)

37. Slip a love note in her purse or work tote

38. Spend 30 mins power cleaning together and 30 mins passionately lovin

39. Waltz around the room during a commercial break

40. Kiss when you arrive

41. Make dinner for her

42. Say "I love you because ______"

43. Find out one of her fantasies and make it happen

44. Pay her a compliment in front of people you know

45. Make a "10 favorite memories together" list

46. Do yard work (shovel snow, rake leaves, mow, prune, plant)

47. Send a love ransom note with cut out letters

48. Spend time learning/doing her hobby with her

49. Stop at a scenic outlook enjoy the view and each other

50. Get a sensual game to play together

51. Take the garbage out

52. Put a love note with her lunch

53. Go on a bike ride or roller blade together

54. Bring her breakfast or coffee in bed

55. Open doors for her

56. Fix something

57. Leave some Hershey kisses on the pillow

58. Play if/then. If you ______, then I'll ______

59. Tell her you are proud of her

60. Dance to a classic 80's song

61. Carry her bags/boxes/books

62. Send a thinking of you email

63. Bake a cake and decorate it with a creative message

64. Act out her favorite love scene from a movie

65. Make a "10 things I love about you" list

66. Help with or do the dishes

67. Write a love note on her calender or in her planner

68. Collect a wild flower bouquet for her

69. Tell her you like her style

70. Kiss each of her finger tips

71. Send a romantic greeting [http://www.romanticgreetings.com]

72. Give a midday call

73. Serenade her with a cheesy love song (in the privacy of your home)

74. Have a quickie somewhere new

75. Whisper sweet nothings in her ear

76. Take some scandalous photos together or of each other

77. Write a love message on the beach or in fresh snow

78. Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier and snuggle in the morning

79. Take a minute to enjoy the sunset together

80. Take a romantic bath

81. Pull out her chair before sitting

82. Give her a big, long hug

83. Make a favorite things about you list

84. Plant a tree or flowers together

85. Let her know that she is the perfect match for you

86. Vacuum, dust or clean the toilet

87. Leave a goofy love message on her phone

88. Experiment with chocolate body paints

89. Make an "I love the ways you love me" list

90. Rub each other down in the shower

91. Be her slave for a day

92. Make a cheesy love poem

93. Make a meal together

94. Pack something special with her lunch (kisses, a note, her favorite snack)

95. Have a breakfast date discuss your plans for the day

96. Take care of car maintenance (oil, tire rotation, check fluids)

97. Express appreciation for specific things she does for you

98. Massage her neck and shoulders

99. Make her a gift

100. Play footsie

101. Offer to help with anything

You may be really good at doing some of these romantic gestures. Use this list to pick up a few more romantic gestures and apply them to your relationship. Put your own twist on some of the ideas for a personal and unique romantic gesture!

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Are Earthquakes a Sign of the End of Time?

Earthquakes are on our minds these days as we see the results of two very devastating and recent earthquakes on the news. There is alot of seismic activity going on these days. Yes, there have always been lots of earthquakes, but there appear to be more recently, they have been very close together and severe.

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The Bible speaks of earthquakes happening in diverse, (different), places when the end of time is approaching. It has many other warnings also, but specifically, it speaks of earthquakes. Matthew 24:7, Mark 13:8, and Luke 21:11, to be specific, are passages in the Bible that speak of earthquakes in reference to the end of time.

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Luke 21:11, clearly says there will be great earthquakes, famines, and pestilences, in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven.

Many people and religions believe this to be true. I certainly do, and the proof to us is there are many things happening today that were foretold long ago in the scriptures of the Bible. To me, that makes it very believable!

The earth is a moving, shaking, planet. It is interesting to study the seismic activity of today. I live in a major earthquake zone, the New Madrid Faultline. I certainly am aware of the possibility of an earthquake in my area of the country.

Since the horrors we have seen in Haiti and Chile of the devastation and calamity of earthquakes, I think more people want to be aware of the possibilities of future events. The news medias are frantically asking the scientific neighborhood if they can give the predictions of earthquakes. With the modern technology at hand the is no specific predictions of exactly where an earthquake will happen next, only guesstimates.

Although earthquake predicting is not an exact science. We can all be prepared in the event that an earthquake may happen where we live. That is the best we can do. We can also reach out to others who are experiencing the devastation of an earthquake.

The Bible tells us what to expect when we are approaching the end of time as we know it. I am glad that God has given us such a guide to follow and is merciful to help us in times like these.

We can prepare both spiritually and physically for the times of catastrophes, such as earthquakes. We all may have to experience difficult times ahead. God doesn't say we will escape all troubles or calamities, but He does say He will be there for us and help us through them.

I encourage you to read the Bible and learn what God says about future events, such as earthquakes, that will happen as the end of time approaches. Yes, earthquakes in different places are a sign of the end of times.

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Why Do I Feel Tired All the Time? - The Number 1 Cause of Feeling Tired Revealed!

Are you often asking the question "why do I feel tired all the time"? If so then today I will reveal to you the #1 cause of feeling tired & fatigued. As well I'll present 2 great tips on how to immediately start reducing fatigue and boost your energy levels up. Best of all if you follow all my recommendations you'll also improve your health in multiple ways in which you couldn't have imagined.
 
Two Tips to Help Increase Energy
 
Stop Eating Late: Do you eat within 3 hours of going to bed? If so you're doing more harm than good. Were you aware that many police and firemen are questioned when they apply about their eating habits before bed, those who say they eat before bed are often not accepted as it indicates that they're likely to be less rested and as a result less alert than those who don't eat before bed.
 
Stop Going to Bed Late: 10-2 is the ideal sleeping time. If you go to bed after 2pm constantly then you're always going to be playing catch-up with your energy levels. So do yourself a favour and get to bed by 10pm!
 
What Really Makes you Feel Tired All the Time!
 
It's known as a candida overgrowth. Candida is a yeast which grows inside over 90% of the population and because of the culture we live in now of using drugs for everything and eating dead processed foods, this yeast has now become a threat to our health. All of these modern day factors encourage the yeast to overgrow which causes various problems, the most common of which are brain fog which is like a continual lack of focus or concentration as well as chronic fatigue/exhaustion regardless of what you do.
 
If these symptoms describe your everyday life then you need to immediately begin eliminating candida from your body and re-balance your health to get your energy back once again!

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